“Let There Be Light” (formerly titled Lamentations) by W.A. Fulkerson

“Fear not,” they preached to me
But most were still afraid
“Inner peace,” they chanted
Outer chaos is what came
“Salaam,” they sang, before killing the Jews
I’m a faithful man, but I
See why some can’t choose.

The lost are left searching while
Inquisitors dogpile
They push seekers away before getting close
The logs in their eyes repellent and gross
Lies really hurt and truth really heals
But don’t listen at the televangelist’s door
Or you’ll hear young, girlish squeals.

No wonder milk’s on the plate
When the menu said meat
People asking why youth want a different seat
In another restaurant, or maybe none at all.

If you do well, lift up
Or else sin crouches at the door

Can we rob the grave of its treasures
And not linger in the dark?
A cold wind wants to extinguish your spark.
Milk makes not meek, the strong increasingly weak
The future seems hopelessly bleak –
Can a deep voice speak?

True love has a name,
and it could be yours, or mine
If we abide in the first name
The one that was here first
From cradle to hearse
Chapter and verse
Alef to tav
Alpha, Omega
Except there is no end for what endures the flame

But the people of the book denigrate scholars
Vanity, vanity
The cure’s left in the hall
Outside the room of a dying girl.
He stands at the door and knocks,
But a crowd of people bearing His name
Hold the way shut, and loudly proclaim
That He’s told them what to say.

“Be afraid,” they whisper
Some ask for money
The exceptions are vibrant
But the crowd is thick
The gap’s the size of a needle’s eyelet
When Mammon is my copilot.

“Where is your semikhah?” someone once wrote
The crier bears witness from the depths of his throat
And God gave him breath
To give away joy among merchants of death.

So lament; don’t despair
Love dethroned the prince of the air
So stop bowing to him, and fight
Look into empty, watery chaos
And say, “Let there be light!”

My Eyes

Do my eyes deceive me or is there ahead

A place to have dwelling, to lay my bed

A time of rest and a shelter of tree

Or do my eyes deceive me?

 

Is yonder vision a heavenly grove

Where the waterfall mists with triumphant love

And in the lushest of gardens there

Where many stripes are stripped of care

Do I confess I’ve wondered where

Such a perfect boon might ever be

Or do my eyes deceive me?

 

It seems far off but within this tide

To look away seems like foolish pride

From this tropic where I’ll reside

My vision’s clarity can’t be denied

Coolness of river and orchards inside

Relief and pleasure therein supplied

 

And yet the sun burns harsher now

And the vision fades, gone with the shades

But I cling to the memory of how

I’m heading toward a wondrous place in the glades

It’s still out there in the blurried sea

Or do my eyes deceive me?

Discomfort

Do you love me enough to hurt me?
I don’t mean in a sick way
And I don’t mean for no reason
I want to know if you’ll rip the band-aid off my skin
or let it fester, pretend it hasn’t been on too long
And smile so you’re not the bad guy.

Do you love me enough to disagree with me?
If I ask your advice, and I’m treading on ice
Will you tell me to move? Or better yet-
Throw a rope and get me somewhere safe?
Or will you tighten your brow and say nothing?
Tacitly approving while pleading in your silent heart

Do you love me enough to make me uncomfortable?
If there’s some flaw that I have in me
Spinach in my teeth, snot on my sleeve-
Would you tell me? Or will you hold your tongue
So that maybe someone else can say it?
And you’re saved the embarrassment

I’m not talking about public shaming, and I don’t
Mean simply being contrary. I said it before,
And I say it again: discomfort. Am I worth that to you?
Is anyone worth that to you?
See, it’s sad, because there’s a lot of people, I think,
Who don’t consider a soul in this world worth that cost.

It isn’t a very big cost.

To Swim

I took a walk along the sea by night

Waves invited me as they crashed and roared

Inviting me into the cool waters

I felt and sensed the spray upon my face

 

But I did not swim. It isn’t time yet

Instead I sat at its edge pondering,

Remembering. I think with clarity

Here, when I can see with my eyes what waits.

 

Waters reach my feet but it isn’t time

It isn’t my time, but it’s another’s

I’ll get to swim one day. I long for it.

 

Until then, I will walk the earth on foot

It is forbidden to wade in early

But hope for the day breathes inside my heart

Fear

Fear should lessen with age
But often it doesn’t
It seems the stuff of children
yet it fills the hearts of men

A child fears the dark
Because he suspects there’s something there
An adult fears it too
Because he suspects there is nothing

Wild fears age into mundane ones
But it is all loss and abandonment

“What if there is a monster?”
Means “Will no one save me?”
“What if I lose my house?”
Means the same

“What if I don’t know where to go?”
Means, “I fear I’m lost”
“Things just don’t seem to work out”
Means the same

There are many what if’s in fear
There must be, for they lack substance
Only what might or may
Never what is
There is no uncertainty with the tiger before your face
Only of the one that lurks in the dark

And yet fear is childish still
Though men and women adopt it
They practice conceit, yet the vice
Is no less childish because of it

There is only one object that should rightly be feared
And its fear should not age

Loss is not it.

Felicity

To be loved and yet not known is shallow

To be known and not loved is what we fear

Hanging in balance, we straddle the row

Hoping to be held without holding dear

 

“Give your heart in pieces,” the prudent say

Like carrots meted out before a mule

If he eats a few, then snubs one- it may

Be easier for the heart to o’errule

 

Some truth is there spoken, but more suppressed

If love’s without fear, then fearless is best

A life with hands open is ever blest

How much more to live with an open chest!

 

I am known by God, and loved- let it be

If another loves me, felicity.

Secure

The skies cloud with rain and the Thunder shouts

His great battle cry from the lofty height

Water rises up and the Doubter doubts

The fierce North Wind blows with his icy might

 

But I am not troubled. I will not fear.

The One who fights for me is greater still

All blows will fall back on my foes’ own tier

Ev’rything must bend to His staunchest will

 

Uncertainty shows me that I must trust

I’ve learned that I’m stronger in face of pain

Poverty shows me that riches are dust

Deluge is no threat- I’ll dance in the rain

 

That which no one shall ever take from me

Is joy, for it is ever heavenly

Si Tuve

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything in Spanish, so I’m doing so today. I love to write in another language from time to time- I find that it frees me up to express thoughts differently than I would in English, and the stylistic influences that hold sway over the work are different as well. (If you speak Spanish- or even if you don’t- and you’ve never read Pablo Neruda, I would highly recommend him to you) As always, I’ve posted a loose translation beneath the original, which, as always, sadly loses a portion of the meaning when translated. Enjoy.

Si Tuve

 

Si tuve un poder

Sería la habilidad apretarte en mis brazos

Si tuve una espada

Conquistaría a tus enemigos, y guardarte del peligro

Si tuve una barca

Viajaríamos dónde tu querías

Si tuve una mente

La usaría aprender a amarte

 

Si tuve una corazón

Creo que no podría entenderlo

Porque ha sido roto tantos veces

Que tartamudea cuando habla

Y sus intenciones no siempre están claros

 

Lo claro es tus ojos

Reflejando la imágen de un hombre vagabundo

Un viajador que ha perdido, llorado, y caído

Cada día de nuevo

 

Pero repites que tu me amas

Y te creo

 

Si tuve un nombre

Sería tuyo

 

If

 

If I could have any power

I would have the ability to hold you

If I had a sword

I would beat back your enemies, and keep you from harm

If I had a ship

We would go wherever your heart desired

If I had a mind

I would use it to learn how to love you

 

If I had a heart

I don’t think I would be able to understand it

See, it’s been broken a lot

And now it stutters when it speaks

It’s intentions aren’t always clear

 

What’s clear is your eyes

Reflecting the image of a world-weary man

A wanderer who has lost, and mourned, and fallen

Every day anew

 

Yet you tell me again that you love me

And I believe you

 

If I had a name

It would be yours

On Music

I saw a beating drum

Its mallet no man could move

But when it hit, the sounds in it

Fled, and flurry ensued

 

The beats hid in the alleys

Where vagabonds make their stay

It’s ever been to wanderers

That rhythm first finds its way

 

Some beats flew into hearts

But not into their hands

So they would know it when they hear it

But never truly understand

 

Some could be found by searching

Hidden in books and schools

Because harmony’s touch left them lurching

Needing to know all the rules

 

It came to me much freer

I’ll never understand

All I know is when music’s near

It always seems to land

Aspirations

Once I had a dream

But it was messy in my hands

A freshly born desire

That I didn’t understand.

 

I hung it out to dry

So it wouldn’t stain my palms

When I finally went to fetch it

It had been stolen from the lawn

 

Once I had a dream

So I put it in a box

Ashamed and scared to let people see

I piled on the locks

 

Through the years that slipped away

My dream collected rust

When I finally went to fetch it

It had withered into dust

 

Once I had a dream

I held it tightly in my fist

Neglect destroyed and people stole

So I wouldn’t let go of this

 

My eyes were always on it

My knuckles, they turned white

When I finally went to use it

I’d suffocated my delight

 

Once I had a dream

So I took it to my father

“I don’t know how to care for this

Hold it until I’m stronger?”

 

He agreed and the years went on

Till I became a man

When I finally went to fetch it

It was just as it should have been.